Dream big or go home. It amazes me the way we humans dream and focus primarily on what we want and what brings us comfort, and yet in the blink of an eye everything changes. It does not matter how much you plan, push or try if you live your life with God, He is always in control and if what you are striving for is outside His will you can be rest assured He will pull you back to where you need to be. There are personal inspired dreams and then there are God given visions.
Only but a month ago were my wife and I setting things up to move forward towards a dream that we were more than certain was right for us. We pushed, saved, planned and the more to obtain this much desired dream of ours. Looking back the thing we were missing within the dream was the fact that we were looking in the wrong direction. We were desiring a change in life, looking for a new start to an old boring life so to speak.
We prayed hard about our dream and felt God was leading us to obtain this dream, and yet a sudden change brought us to a halt and set us in a new direction. I will say that we were correct in the intentions of what “our” dream was about and what we were set to do with the ultimate goal of change in our life and new start.
Before we go any further I must clarify what the dream was. We had planned to move from home and settle in the mountains of Colorado, a place we love and enjoy in order to help us break out of the complacency and staleness of life at home as well as bring a fresh new adventure that would ultimately help us grow in our faith and walk with God. As I mentioned earlier that our intentions were correct, but our sights were set in the wrong direction.
I would like to point out something that most people within the church miss within a “perfection” type of view we have of everything today. Even with a great prayer life and close walk with God, WE ARE STILL PRONE TO WANDER OFF IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. Most Christians look at another believer wandering off as a believer falling away, and yet we must understand that we are not perfect and we can make mistakes in what we feel God is calling us to do.
Now back on track. When we walk with God you can be rest assured that He will pull you back on track by putting something in place to halt you and turn you around. This “halting” came in the form of Leukemia within our precious little girl Isabella. I will tell you there is nothing worse than seeing your daughter go through the pain of needles, test and sickness.
I am one to admit that I broke down on the way to the hospital after finding out from our pediatrician that her red blood cell count was down. All I could think about was her going through the pain that lied ahead, and oh how it killed me inside.
Now with that being said I will say that was the only time I cried and I am not one to promote being a sissy like most guys today, but I do believe in a find balance of being a strong man as well as showing love. To reveal my toughness I either wanted them to give me the Leukemia instead or tell me where Leukemia lived so I could go and kick him into the next realm of life.
With all joking aside, it was definitely a tough deal to handle for both my wife and I as we went from going towards a dream of living in the beautiful mountains to fighting cancer within our little girls body. To bring even more on to us, a week before this occurrence my wife and I found out that we were expecting another child. We also went on to celebrate our 5th anniversary day after spending a week and half in the hospital which actually brought a sense of relief as we had a nice evening and dinner together while Bell spent the night at home with her g-ma.
Now instead of looking to move, we are looking to pay off medical bills and fighting off the cancer for the next few years. We may have not moved to the mountains, but we sure did get a change of life and I would say at this point it is a change we really needed as we have grown closer as a couple, as a family and closer to the Father.
“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” (Nahum 1:7 NKJV).
Thankfully are little Bell is doing well and improving as we head to the end of the first month of treatment. All we ask for at this moment is prayers as we continue to fight with the power of the Almighty God working in us and through us. God does not always give us what we want, but He sure does give us what we need. No matter what, God is good.